with every move this breaks my heart

The Army - Anna Bergendahl.

I really love that song, it makes me kind've happy. It gives me hope, sort've.
Well at the moment, life is really good, and I think I know why.
a.) I don't like anybody.
b.) People keep making me laugh :)
c.) I'm just enjoying myself.
There are of course shit things about my life, like exams, but I'm on top of all of my revision, coursework is nearly over and y'know, I just feel pretty good about myself right now. There's nothing I feel pressuring me. I'm one of those people who stress when they aren't stressing because i feel like I should be stressing about something? I understand if you think I'm making no sense, but it makes loads of sense to me. I'm just like that. I'm somebody who will worry if I don't know something or feel as  though I should.

I also feel the sorrows of others much to deeply. If I know someone is sad then it plays on my mind on repeat until I can help in some way, I always worry about others before myself. I'm not sure whether that's good or bad, but I always try and be the type of friend I'd want.
It works that way, because I don't do anything wrong - or more specifically, anything I wouldn't mind somebody doing to me. I couldn't lie to, betray, or so much as upset a friend or stranger without feeling fifty stone guilt for days on end until it was sorted.

p.s Spanish boys, nom.

let the sun refuse to shine, it won't be long before the days are brighter

Bit of an inappropriate title I suppose because the sun has been shining very nicely these last couple of days, and every time I see that the sun is shining and the birds are singing, I'm reminded that today is yesterdays tomorrow, and that I can make a difference to something. But, the title actually refers to life, and how one day things can feel like a huge deal and then tomorrow, you wake up with a different take on things. Which is fair enough for some situations, but the one I find myself in right now just reminds me that in fact, the more I think about things the worse they get. 

Here is a photo of me and Hettie Parrett, who I have mentioned and intend to mention quite a bit because she is one of the only people I can safely say is a lovely, honest and beautiful person who is so willing to give all the kindness and help she can to others. It's a real shame when childish behaviour and issues get in the way of that kindness, but it'll be their loss.
After all, I'd rather be friends with a couple honest real friends than friends with a large group of pretenders. Which, come to think of it, most people in the world are today. Wunderbar! 


Boys get in the way of everything, and I can't honestly be the only person alive who'd rather remain best friends with someone who I've been friends with for years than have some boy we met two weeks ago.
hahah, I must be crazy.

"the more I suffer, the more I love."

why don't you be the writer and decide the words I say

Okay, so I'm blogging twice in one day. Normal. However, I feel like I have so much to say and just to get out there because if I don't I'm just going to drown in my sad excuse for a brain.
I'll begin with what I've done this evening, which is, revise, chat and watch a Cinderella Story. Which, stupid as it sounds I think did me loads of good. If you've seen it, you'll know that Sam has her epiphany, she says something that I think sums up my life very well right now.
"Even though I have no friends, no family and no money for college, it's you that I feel sorry for." Although of course I don't find myself in the same situation as her, I think it fits. 
I feel sorry for those who feel like they need to lie to fit in, which is what so many people do.
I'm glad everybody is angry at me for being honest, because at least I'm not living a lie like so many others do. I don't care about so many people right now, because I just don't have the time to pick up all the pieces from relationships which I didn't even break.
Because, I know who won't be there for them when they need me, which, I guarantee they will because that's all people ever do. It's really stupid because, to be really honest with you, most girls I know are living a complete lie as to who they are friends with anyway. I've heard them all bullshit about each other all the time, and in a tiny reckless moment I could accidentally spill/forward a message with the content of their real opinions, but what kind of person would that make me? I'm happy to go along with their play acting, as long as I'm not a part of it.
Also, the fact I get to go homeland for a little while is making me bubble inside with excitement. Litterally, I feel like I lose half my mass when I think about it :)

would you have the guts to say i don't love you like i did yesterday?

Today, was one of the worst days I've ever experienced. Can I just say, I am in no way going to explain or name anybody to do with what happened today, because last time I did that my school had a huge go at me because apparently it's wrong to list things that people have done to you. I'm always on the receiving end, which is just lush.




However, I would like to point out that I have spent the last couple of hours giving myself a massive headache from crying and giving myself nausea. nom nom.
Anyone else feel like they've been mistreated so many times you can just anticipate what's going to happen next?
Yep. I had that today. Well, yesterday and today.


So, I got to school, went to my counselling session,
prepared myself for the endless questions that I was sure would drown me...and yet, when I got there, all I could do was cry. It's all very odd knowing that somebody like me, who rarely let's emotion or any feeling in general show apart from during movies could do that in front of somebody I barely knew.
Very odd indeed...
However. Today was one of those days I wish never happened. The sad thing is, I know it's going to be weeks/months/maybe a year, until things are completely alright again.
Betrayal is such a harsh thing that crushes and obliterates trust and all sense of knowing, numbs the senses right down until all you feel is raw pain the the form of an aching body, red eyes and a damp face and a pillow full of your tears/make-up.


I hate talking about feelings.
I hate even more when people try and interfere with my feelings. I'm not one to sit down and tell people things about myself, because, I rarely trust people. In fact, the only person I completely 100% who would never ever hurt me...well, they're dead. My grandparents.
I hate how I can be surrounded by the sea of people I'm wallowing in day in day out,
and yet I feel as though I've been cast out on a washing line to dry and left in the bitter wind as it bites at me.
:(


I pray for better days.

i like your smile, i like your vibe, i like your style, but that's not why i love you

Hello there new blog. This is me attempting to become a star of the internet when obviously the only person to read this will be me and I will only read it in a couple of months time when I remember I have it...however, here we go, massive rant about my life. So, we'll begin with me. My name is Anna-Karin Sager and I'm from small-town Wiltshire, possibly one of the most boring places I've ever been (and I've been to lots of boring places.) In small-town, there is a school/prison where I've met some of the most amazing people I've ever met. Day in day out they make me smile and remind me why I go there (:
However, as with everything that makes me happy, there are things that make me sad too.
I'm in no way saying my friendship group is dysfunctional or in anyway bad, but, sometimes, I wish we'd all get along better. So many times I can recall hearing things about myself or others I wish I hadn't heard, and I'm really sick of people playing up to each other. Girls who flirt with everybody, lie all the time, annoy others, act really immaturely ALL the time, well not gonna lie I freakin' hate it.
There is one thing keeping me going at the moment, and that is seeing my family and friends soon. It sounds whiny and silly which, to be honest, I am in no position to do. I have a house or two, amazing family, amazing friends, each with their own tiny imperfections that seem to increase in size every time I think about it. But there are people in the world, like Japan, with people who have nothing anymore and I can't help but feel selfish when I feel my heart sink because I read something I don't want to or even hear something I don't want to.
But that doesn't stop the selfish mind I own to wonder into space and dream about when things might actually start to get a little better for little me.