would you have the guts to say i don't love you like i did yesterday?

Today, was one of the worst days I've ever experienced. Can I just say, I am in no way going to explain or name anybody to do with what happened today, because last time I did that my school had a huge go at me because apparently it's wrong to list things that people have done to you. I'm always on the receiving end, which is just lush.




However, I would like to point out that I have spent the last couple of hours giving myself a massive headache from crying and giving myself nausea. nom nom.
Anyone else feel like they've been mistreated so many times you can just anticipate what's going to happen next?
Yep. I had that today. Well, yesterday and today.


So, I got to school, went to my counselling session,
prepared myself for the endless questions that I was sure would drown me...and yet, when I got there, all I could do was cry. It's all very odd knowing that somebody like me, who rarely let's emotion or any feeling in general show apart from during movies could do that in front of somebody I barely knew.
Very odd indeed...
However. Today was one of those days I wish never happened. The sad thing is, I know it's going to be weeks/months/maybe a year, until things are completely alright again.
Betrayal is such a harsh thing that crushes and obliterates trust and all sense of knowing, numbs the senses right down until all you feel is raw pain the the form of an aching body, red eyes and a damp face and a pillow full of your tears/make-up.


I hate talking about feelings.
I hate even more when people try and interfere with my feelings. I'm not one to sit down and tell people things about myself, because, I rarely trust people. In fact, the only person I completely 100% who would never ever hurt me...well, they're dead. My grandparents.
I hate how I can be surrounded by the sea of people I'm wallowing in day in day out,
and yet I feel as though I've been cast out on a washing line to dry and left in the bitter wind as it bites at me.
:(


I pray for better days.