i'd love to go to hawaii

Whenever I watch anything romantic, read anything romantic, hear anything romantic (I think you're getting the point now) I go into these little "dayum wish I had a boyfriend" moments. 

Take the royal wedding for example. I'm now completely in love with the royal family and it rekindled my love for Prince Harry. Just because he's beautiful and I'm ginger and so is he so that's just perfect. PRINCESS ANNA. I like it. ;)

Anyway...

So I think it's worth a mention that I put the royal wedding in my art book. It actually looks pretty good if I say so myself. Not the drawing, just the layout. That's the bit I'm good at  :)

hello darkness my old friend, i've come to talk with you again

I'm kind of in my element right now. Just chilling with one light on, and it's a stupid time of the morning to be blogging, but you guys are getting the drift that I basically, just don't sleep. And there is a reason for that, btw, because those of you that don't know me won't know that i'm an insomniac. I'm listening to Simon and Garfunkel, and I just feel sort of. Happy. I feel like everything's going okay, because nothing's happening and I don't want it to. My dad always says no news is good news, and I agree with him.

"Last night I had the strangest dream, I ever dreamed before. I dreamed the world had all agreed to put an end to war. I dreamed I saw a mighty room, the room was filled with men. And the paper they were signing said they would never fight again."

So, a while ago I did a blog about 30 things about me. I'm going to update it a bit, because, well, I just. Want to. Okay?

1.) I'm a bit of a cynic.

2.) I'm really independent.

3.) I hate people trying to comfort me, I don't know why.

4.) I'm not good at expressing my own feelings towards situations.

5.) But I'm good at advice for others.

6.) I like to listen to the thoughts of others.

7.) I like being alone.

8.) I hate when I feel like somebody is trying to intrude on a happy situation.

9.) I wish I was more logical.

10.) I'm a grammar freak.

11.) I'm weirdly passionate about History. It makes me happy.

12.) I can't cook. At all.

13.) I have a bit of OCD with cleaning my hands.

14.) I hate when people breathe/eat loudly. It just sounds so...loud.

15.) I really dislike people who chew with their mouths open. It's revolting.

16.) Manners matter to me, a lot.

17.) I like to meet new people.

18.) I hate being restricted.

19.) I keep secrets like they were gold dust.

20.) I'm constantly jealous. Of everything and everybody. It sucks.

21.) I hate when I feel like I'm making loads of effort to try and impress somebody and they don't notice.

22.) I wish I was a lot thinner.

23.) I can be very impractical. 

24.) But I don't like other impractical people.

25.) Being late really annoys me.

26.) I hate people who mess plans up. It's so annoying.

27.) I love spontaneity. 

28.) One day I just want to go on a really long journey and not tell anybody where I'm going, just so I can get away for a bit without being disturbed.

29.) I know one day I'm going to be really lonely, because I tend to push away anybody who tries to get too close to me.

30.) I hate it when people tell me they understand me. Because they don't.

31.) I don't get frightened easily, but I jump at quick movements.

32.) I hate thunder and lightning so much. It's so scary :(

33.) I'm not really a cuddle person. But sometimes, I just need a hug. I'm too stubborn to tell anybody.

34.) I wish that sometimes I could be a bit less negative so I could enjoy things for the timebeing. But I'm too aware of life.

35.) I feel like other people live my life for me.

36.) I used to be really creative. I don't know where it's gone :(

37.) Vitamin water and caffeine keeps me alive.

38.) I wish I understood myself.

39.) I hope one day I can find somewhere I feel truly happy.

40.) When I'm happy for a while, I know I'm about to lose that feeling soon.

"I got some troubles but they won't last, I'm gonna lay right down here in the grass, 

and pretty soon all my troubles will pass because I'm in sugartown."

So, today ladies and gentlemen, I had an absolutely wonderful day with some wonderful ladies that go by the name of Lucy Symons, Amy Lavigne-Smith, Lucy Arrowsmith and Samantha Wicheard. We went to Farleigh Hungerfood and to the river there, which is just lovely. There's a weir, a rope swing and sunshine and there are 4 very amused girls, let me tell you that!

I jumped in a fair few times, and despite blue hands and numbing sensations in all of my limbs, it was great fun and I can't wait to waste more of my revision time down there.

I love those girls for making my day!

*Ice cream

*Friends

*Water

*Grass

*Sunshine

= Hyperactivity.

loves.

sleeping with the light on.

Okay, I take it back, I'm mega pissed off now and just want to kill somebody. Way to far, not that angry. I'd quite like to throw something and hear it make a satisfying noise.An empty pringles tin will do. I want to go home, now, really badly, and I want to cry, and be given a cuddle and some squash and homemade daimcake. That is what I would like. Instead, I will write this,

and probably go to bed in a bit. And most likely cry, and feel better in the morning.

Goodnight. x

So, as I sat staring at the screen wondering how I was going to explain my life to this blog, I put on this song. And it just sort of sums everything up. Enjoy.

<3

not like the movie

"100 percent with every penny spent he'll be the one that finishes your sentences." 

kärlek - loveplay, as it should be.

So, today was my first full day in England after my trip back home to Sweden. Its interesting, the word "home." I heard in a song today, lyrics that consisted of "Home is where you are." Others, say that "Home is where the heart is." And of course, Dorothy said "There's no place like home." I'm inclined to believe Dorothy. There really is nothing like home, is there? Home means something to all of us. I have two houses, but only one home. Often, I feel as though I'm betraying myself if I tell somebody "I'm home on ____" because, it's technically a lie. I'm back in England on the ___ should be what I say. But, it's not even that I have a preference over Sweden or the people or anything, it really isn't, it's how the place makes me feel. 

Sweden, or more specifically, Hasseludden, is where I find myself at home. I find myself at home among the earthy smell of the woods, the fairytale painted houses in shades of yellow, red and blue. I find myself at home between the crashes of the waves and the depths of the lakes. I love looking out to see the blue sky and the blue sea. I love to hear the birds whistling and the distant laughter or chatter of people every now and again. I love not knowing what the time is, and hearing a bus pass on the main road and know it must be twenty too something. I love just walking along my street and seeing everybody say hello, whether I know them well or whether it's just the postman. I love how I can always rely on the buses and trains to be on time. I love how I live in such a remote area and yet less than twenty minutes away I find myself at the heart of Scandinavia's capital city. I love being able to eat whatever I want because I know that the health regulations of Sweden are restraining me from eating the shitty chemicals I so often pump myself with. I just love it. I love how it makes me feel. I feel free, and healthy, and happy. And that, dear people, is all one needs of one's home.

I think what also helps, is seeing my Dad so happy there. I know he thrives the same as I do. It''s nice to see a real smile on his round face and his laughter to be 100%. I know he longs to be back there as often as he can. He's given up so much for my Mum. I'm not too sure I could ever leave somewhere I love dearly for somebody I love, knowing they wouldn't do the same for me.It's funny, because even my Mum is happier in Sweden a lot of the time.

Saying all this though, I sound ungrateful. I'm very grateful for the wonderful people who paint my life with all the colours of wonder and beauty and laughter, who are of course, all my little stars. My brightest stars you can find around me at lunchtimes, making me laugh and smile even when thing's are heavy. And that, I think is what keeps me going. I feel like I don't thank them enough, so to all you wonderful stars who are Rachel, Hettie, Hannah, Izzy, Deniz, Alice, Lyd, Luce, Amy, Claudie and Arrowsmiff - thanks girlies, what would I do without you. <3

This is me, on my jetty looking out to my favourite lake. Oh, life. <3

ranting raving lunatic that i am.

Okay, can I just say, this probably isn't a blog you want to read because it's just going to be one massive whine from my part, but I need to get this out there, so, that's what I intend to do around about...now.

So, tomorrow is my last day in Sweden. For those of you that don't know me very well, I have two houses. One of those resides in England, in a small town in Wiltshire. The other, is in Stockholm, Sweden, in a little place just outside the city by the coast called Hasseludden. It's beautiful.  It's ironic, of course that I can speak to people who don't know me about my Swedish home and not my English house, but, HOME they say is where your heart is. And, if I had to point towards my heart, I'd almost certainly point here.

My house is between two lakes, Kvarnsjön and Trollan, and of course just through the woods I find the wonderful Baltic sea which laps against the shores of this beautiful area. 

This was taken yesterday, at one of my favourite thinking places.

It's beside a jetty, where there is a massive rock which is where I go when I'm sad, need comforting and it just, tends to soothe me. 

This is the jetty itself.

Now, needless to say, I don't just love the place because of it's pure beauty, but, also because of the freedom I'm entitled too here. I feel like there's no boundaries, no pressure and no stress from anybody. 

I can just be myself, without needing to please or live up to any expectations. I can not wear make up and nobody mention it. I can dress in old clothes and nobody pick up on it. I can say what I want and think what I want to without anybody questioning me. 

I also think the fact that I've known everybody for years and years helps too.

My neighbours, each with their own lives and thoughts never hesitate to be there for me, through everything. My godmother also resides three doors down. 

Karola and Stefan, to start with, are probably two of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Karola managed The Beatles and The Rolling Stones AND The Who when they came to Sweden. She has all the pictures in her living room, I had a good browse through those pictures, while having a cup of black coffee and a chat with Karola about all the bands and how Paul McCartney was lovely to her and how she saw a film with the Beatles! I'm so very jealous. 

I'm so blessed to have so many talented and wonderful people in my life, which makes it seem even more ironic that my Mum willingly leaves this place. :( 

Angus and Julia Stone - Take You Away.

"When you're feeling down,

and your sky is grey

and the people that you love

well, they have nothing lovely to say.

When your days are long,

and lonlier than before, 

I'll take you away."

Waterloo Sunset.

Just to prove to every bdoy that I'm absolutely stunning in the morning...

HAHAHAHA. This picture makes me laugh.

So, basically today I'm going to barbeque and go to the beach for a bit,

which will be lovelypants.

More later, I'm to tired to blog.

<3

holding on the days drag on, stupid girl, i should've known.

"I'll bet she's beautiful,

that girl he talks about,

she's got everything I've had to live without.

I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night?"

Sort've self explanatory. I don't really even need to explain this, do I?

Are we really back to this? Honestly. What is with this? Some days we talk for hours, and then it'll be weeks before we speak again. I can't do that, I can't and I won't. I need to do some serious mind making up, because I can't continue with this horrible annoying and frankly very frustrating way of life. 

I H A T E H O W I N D E C I S I V E I A M. 

IGNORE MY SQUIFFY EYE IN THIS.

steal my heart and hold my tongue, i feel my time, my time has come.

This is my room at precisely 12.52, Swedish time.

It looks cute.

P.S don't be judgin' me about my wellies.

I'm currently sat on my bed with the sunshine pouring through my windows and my open door. My room smells like the woods and floorboard cleaner. It's lovely. 

So, today, I've been working and I am going to be doing lots more later, but I'm on my break for lunch so I get to just...blog.

Brilliant life I lead really.

Then, later I'm going to be seeing people, but I'm not happy with the cancellations of one particular person but ah well. It'll be good seeing everybody else anyway! 

Then tomorrow I reckon I'll go spend all my wages in Topshop.

The good thing about working for neighbours, is you get paid miraculous amounts. Equally brilliant. 

I also received some new flowers for my windowsill, and an orchid which btw is beautiful! 

So. Back to the current moment, I am listening to such a strange composition of music today. First the Hollies, then Simon and Garfunkel (it was playing loudly out of my window and an old lady walked by and started humming. It was cute/cool!) And then I listened to KanYe West, Not to sure why because I don't actually like him very much. Then a bit of Elbow crept in and I've settled for ColdPlay. Oh I'm so happy.

<3

Casually sat feeling like crying to this.

I'm not even to sure why.

Well, I am.

Man I hate boys.

And girls.

And, people in general.

P.S if you're lucky enough to be in a successful relationship,

you are loathed by myself and the rest of the single world.

That is all.

cos you're independent and you've got my attention

"I just had sex and it felt so good."

What kind of lyrics are they? Honestly. 

People are far too easily pleased these days, I saw somebody answer a Formspring question;
"Describe your music taste?"
They answered "I like music I could fall in love to, not fuck too."
Hahahahaha. Brilliant.

in spite of all the danger, that you may cause me, i'd do anything for you, anything you want me to, if you be true to me.

I absoloutely adore this movie and everything about it.

 I think it's my favourite film, and this song sums up everything that I think John Lennon possessed. He just wanted to love everything and everybody. What a beautiful man.

 R.I.P <3

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home, I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you.

Before I begin, this is amazing. Enjoy it. Now. 

Yeah, Taylor Swift lyrics as the title, very original I'm sure. I'm a massive hater of mainstreamers but I kind've wilt when it comes to Taylor Swift. Her lyrics just basically paint the picture of an average teenage girl and the thoughts and feelings and outlooks we have on the world, and our own separate worlds, and the world we'd like to live in. That's what I think anyway. I can honestly say I can identify with most if not all of Taylor's songs. 

"In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream, it's like a million little stars spelling out your name, come on, come on, say that we'll be together, come on, come on, little taste of heaven."

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about everything. Being away from everything gives you a chance to forget, but then think things through. It's not really made me progress, but don't get me wrong, I needed a serious think about things. I've decided that I like being healthy, excited, happy and full of sunshine. I don't want to let things bring me down anymore, and I refuse to let those around me change that. I've also decided that boys need to play a lesser part in my life. I focus everything around one particular boy, go out of my way to walk ways I know he is, think about him all the time, and frankly, it gets me no step closer to him. So, when I finally stop being such a chicken and confront him about it (don't expect that to be any time soon btw) then maybe, he'll tell me what I want to hear, but most probably he'll tell me he doesn't feel the same and I can start living my life without him and just continue as if nothing happened. Whatever happens, I need either. I can't continue in my secret but very obvious way that I have been living these last 7 months. craaaaaaazy.

Today, I met up with my second half cousin, had cake, coke and a chat in some amazing Bohemian cafe. Which was awesome. I love catching up with those who I haven't spoken to in AgggGGGEEeezzzZz. < Loser.


May blog later. But for now....
Adios Amigos!

post break up sex that helps you forget your ex

I've been listening to The Vaccines on repeat AGAIN. With a bit of the Beatles, Rolling Stones and the Beach Boys mixed in. I love listening to happy music and just being happy. I've been uncontrollably happy these last two days, no pressure, no lies, no secrets, just pure bliss, homemade cranberry squash and daimcake. I love Sweden. So far, I've not really done a lot but today I went running, had a game of hockey (thankfully guys, I didn't die due to my toast consumption because I went to a rink) and went shopping, I bought the floweriest looking shorts I've ever seen in my entire life. I'm not sure why, but they make me happy. Have a lookie : 

And I bought a John Lennon top, a top with a heart on it and two cardigans. So, all in all, a pretty good day I must say! I'm feeling healthy and good and just, happy.

Saying that though, I do miss my lovely girls that help keep a smile on my face, those being Rach, Hett, Han, Deniz, Izzy, Lyd, Watts, Symons, Breeze, Amy Lavigne-Smith.

For those that don't know what I'm on about, I tell you, the girls listed above are people who deserve the best in life, and I wish them all the best with that :) <3

fabelhaft. 

the vaccines

Right now, I'm sat in the sunshine listening to The Vaccines after a lovely day of reading. I've mostly read The Last Song and flicked through Dear John and The Notebook. Nicholas Sparks is my favourite author, I love him sooo much. 

Have a few extracts to enjoy but seriously, go out and read those books - they are so much better than the films!

(I'm sorry Channing Tatum, Ryan Gossling and Liam Hemsworth! <3

If anybody can find me a boy like these,

call me.

Preferably lookalikes of those in the film ;)

the night will always win.

"We are young, we drink and we fight and we learn just because we are young."

So, I'm a bit undecided about today. Lots of completely random and stupid and sad and weird and now I'm just listing adjectives but really, there really were these many different emotions all mixed up into today.

But, I'm a very laughable person and I honestly just don't stop laughing half the time.

I can't remember a parents evening when my laughter hasn't been brought up...I really am that bad!

I laugh at absolutely anything.

Like yesterday, my school got some visitor from India who did the most amazing art with gold and mountain colours (I would explain more but I haven't a clue what he was talking about) And yeah. That was cool. But, his voice just made me want to burst out laughing. His English wasn't too brilliant, bless him, and he just kind've reapeated words like "Mountain" "Paint" "Clay" and "Shiny". He then decided to walk around showing us some of his paintings which were amazing but then, he just made me laugh by saying that he once painted the backside or something and I just stood there uncontrollably shaking because I didn't want to be rude and laugh properly. So instead I just shook for about ten minutes. Bleh, amusement.

And then, tutorial as always is just hilarious because my tutor group are darlings and well, they're just hilarious really. My tutor group make me happy when other people fail too, it's true. I was sure I was going to hate vertical tutoring but actually, I really enjoy it and my tutor ( who for some reason everyone is in love with, but i'm really at a loss as to why... ) Then I went through some old photos which weren't cute at all and just horrific and why on earth was I allowed out the house looking and wearing certain ways/things. I'm so bored of school and I just cannot wait for that to be over because, well, I just don't want to be in a hot stuffy building wearing uniform when the weather is as pretty as it has been lately.

On a side note, Hettie Parrett you are an absolute star and I love you lots and lots. <3

Me and Han went for a date yesterday, had chips, coke and a lie underneath the massive blue sky and that was just pretty. I loved every minute of it. It was noice.

P.S I edited this blog about 3 times because it was just a massive list of what made me laugh.

it still pretty much is.

sorry <3

we kiss like we invented it

I've been listen to Elbow for ages now. I love them. Have a quote.

"And we took the town to town last night, We kissed like we invented it, And now I know what every step is for, To lead me to your door, Know that while you sleep, Everything has changed."

Mirrorball - Elbow. 

I love romantic lyrics. See, on the surface I look really shallow and hard-headed, but really, I'm a real hopeless romantic. I love romance novels, films, songs etc. Nothing is more wonderful than even a smile from people you love, no matter what way :) 

Because you don't know much about me, I'm going to write out my top fives.

(Not in any particular order, btw.) <3

Films: 1.) The Notebook

2.) Dear John

3.) The Pacific

4.) 500 Days Of Summer

5.) Nowhere Boy.

Songs: 1.) Here Comes The Sun

2.) I'll Get You

3.) Octopus's Garden

4.) I Get Around

5.) I Miss You

Bands: 1.) The Beatles

2.) The Beach Boys

3.) Rolling Stones

4.) Stone Roses

5.) Elbow

Smells: 1.) Starbucks.

2.) My Swedish House.

3.) Blown Out Candles.

4.) Thai/Japanese Food.

5.) Freshly Baked Bread.

Foods: 1.) Oriental Food.

2.) Bread.

3.) Sweeties!

4.) Ice Cream

5.) Noodles!

Drinks: 1.) Coke

2.) Water (Sparkling)

3.) Coffee

4.) Tea

5.) Juice!

So there you go, ME.

the island pt. 1 dawn

Y O U R S T A R W I L L S H I N E < 3

 "Your star will shine again one day, Through deep blue velvet skies,shine for all the world to see, the universe and your eyes." - The Stone Roses, Your Star Will Shine .

Okay, so lots has been going on and it's all been crazy and hectic and you know how it's always the way, when you have absoloutely loads to say and no time to say it! Well, I'll begin with the weekend. For me, the weekend starts on Friday and I spent Friday night with three beautiful ladies by the names of Hettie Parrett, Rachel Proudman and Hannah Moss, and we had a lovely time eating dominoes pizza and drinking coke and having cute girly time which we never seem to have time for anymore! 

We watched Bring It On, The Sweetest Thing & The Boat That Rocked. 

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I'm a lucky girl that I got to laze about with three of my faves in the world. It was wonderful and definitely set me up for the weekend ahead! 

Saturday: I spent with my Mum, we went to Cardiff. I bought new school shoes, two new dresses and lots of random nice smellies. I also got an amazing nail kit which makes your nails all shiny and pretty and it's just lovely. I love spending time with my Mum, she makes me laugh and I'm glad my relationship with her is getting better than it used to be. When friends have messed up and boys are just being boys, there really is nothing better than a real lovely hug with your Mum :) And I'm grateful I have mine with me always. 

Sunday: Mothers day! How appropriate! :) First, my Mum was all sad thinking I'd forgotten her! But then she cheered up after I bought her some pretty Tulips, which are her faves, and I went to Thermae Bath Spa with her which she adores, and it was just so lovely to relax with her and see her happy and cute and it was just nice :) We also bought a new Umbrella with cute little birds on and a cardi, oh and a pretty shirt which I saw in 500 Days Of Summer! :) 

So all in all, an amazing weekend, thankyou to those who made that possible. <3

~ http://dailybooth.com/saager2 ~ 

MONDAY:

Monday is a terrible day, timetable wise. I don't know what there is to say about this Monday, but I actually enjoyed it. It started with R.E, which is usually crappy but for some reason I'm fairly good at R.E. I think it's because I like to argue and find flaws with other peoples arguments. Then, History was boring and stuff and then we did a load of Administration stuff in Germand AND Drama which was soooo boring. So the school day was pretty bad except we sung the lion king and stuff which was hilarous, I love my friends! 

Have a picture of those lovely ladies which cheer me up :) <3

Then, the most wonderful thing happened. Well, no, it didn't actually. Then a load of horrible boys starting telling racist horrible jokes to me and my friend and I eventually flipped and went crazy and managed to own them by getting a 3 like insult. Ergh, Westbury Wankers are horrible! But then...somebody I hadn't spoken to in a while said hello, which put me in a crazily good mood because I missed him a fair amount. We'd stopped talking and, he doesn't know but I literally treasured the conversations I had with him. Wow, cringe much if he read this! But, I shall continue because I feel like I need to tell somebody or I'll feel weird smiling this much :) It's not like it's even a big deal, but, it is to me. I like feeling like I'm remembered or even thought of. I thought he'd completely forgotten about me..but no. Stupid facebook chat was being annoying so that ruined it all a little bit, but nothing can ruin this happy little moment for me. It's official, I'm a real loser.

                                          ~KISSES~ 

50 things.

1- I think it's annoying when people mis-spell words on purpose.
2- I prefer drinking from a can than getting a glass.
3- I have nine pillows strategically placed on my bed.
4- I can't sleep unless it's really dark.
5- I cry really easily.
6- I watch disney films to make myself happier.
7- I don't mind hiding how I feel if it means I can make somebody else happy.
8- I don't like talking about how I feel or why I feel that way.
9- I'm always last to know if it will hurt me.
10- I'm a bit OCD with food.
11- Wet food cannot touch dry food.
12- I'm a really fussy eater.
13- I'm constantly tired because I'm an insomniac.
14- Never drink from the carton around me. It's disgusting.
15- Burping, ew!
16- I'm terrified of being tied down.
17- The idea of "Love" scares me, loads.
18- I'm into extremes, like either really happy or sad. Nothing in between.
19- You get what you get, I don't say anything about somebody I wouldn't tell them directly.
20- People think I'm a bitch.
21- I don't care :)
22- When I 'like' somebody, I like them for ages and ages. 
23- I don't get over people easily.
24- I don't find it hard to find replacements though, plenty more where you came from.
25- I object to racist jokes. They piss me off.
26- Banter annoys me.
27- Don't touch my face, hair or belly.
28- My iPhone has an element of Jesus in it. No touchy Jesus.
29- English and History are my favourite subjects.
30- I prefer to keep things temporary. Long term scares me a bit.
31- I act like I don't care, but I care way to much.
32- I hate being complimented because I don't know how to reply and genuinely disagree.
33- I hate people mocking me. It annoys/upsets me loads.
34- I like peace and quiet and dislike people who ruin it when I'm in need of it.
35- I hate people talking to me about myself. I never know what to say.
36- When people ask me "How are you?" I will always think in my head the real answer before typing out "I'm fine :)" because I can't be bothered to explain my complicated self.
37- I hate frenemies.
38- I'm the only one who thinks "Miranda" is a shitty cheesey programme.
39- I want to go to university in Germany.
40- I hate learning French, but like how it looks when I write it out.
41- My handwriting is annoying.
42- I'm left handed.
43- I hate being woken up!
44- I really hate people correcting me.
45- I hate people correcting me when they know it annoys me.
46- I love eurovision.
47- DVD nights with my ladies make me happy.
48- I'm an advocate of proper spelling/punctuation.
49- I'm very opinionated.
50- I want to be a Fashion Journalist.