So, today was my first full day in England after my trip back home to Sweden. Its interesting, the word "home." I heard in a song today, lyrics that consisted of "Home is where you are." Others, say that "Home is where the heart is." And of course, Dorothy said "There's no place like home." I'm inclined to believe Dorothy. There really is nothing like home, is there? Home means something to all of us. I have two houses, but only one home. Often, I feel as though I'm betraying myself if I tell somebody "I'm home on ____" because, it's technically a lie. I'm back in England on the ___ should be what I say. But, it's not even that I have a preference over Sweden or the people or anything, it really isn't, it's how the place makes me feel.
Sweden, or more specifically, Hasseludden, is where I find myself at home. I find myself at home among the earthy smell of the woods, the fairytale painted houses in shades of yellow, red and blue. I find myself at home between the crashes of the waves and the depths of the lakes. I love looking out to see the blue sky and the blue sea. I love to hear the birds whistling and the distant laughter or chatter of people every now and again. I love not knowing what the time is, and hearing a bus pass on the main road and know it must be twenty too something. I love just walking along my street and seeing everybody say hello, whether I know them well or whether it's just the postman. I love how I can always rely on the buses and trains to be on time. I love how I live in such a remote area and yet less than twenty minutes away I find myself at the heart of Scandinavia's capital city. I love being able to eat whatever I want because I know that the health regulations of Sweden are restraining me from eating the shitty chemicals I so often pump myself with. I just love it. I love how it makes me feel. I feel free, and healthy, and happy. And that, dear people, is all one needs of one's home.
I think what also helps, is seeing my Dad so happy there. I know he thrives the same as I do. It''s nice to see a real smile on his round face and his laughter to be 100%. I know he longs to be back there as often as he can. He's given up so much for my Mum. I'm not too sure I could ever leave somewhere I love dearly for somebody I love, knowing they wouldn't do the same for me.It's funny, because even my Mum is happier in Sweden a lot of the time.
Saying all this though, I sound ungrateful. I'm very grateful for the wonderful people who paint my life with all the colours of wonder and beauty and laughter, who are of course, all my little stars. My brightest stars you can find around me at lunchtimes, making me laugh and smile even when thing's are heavy. And that, I think is what keeps me going. I feel like I don't thank them enough, so to all you wonderful stars who are Rachel, Hettie, Hannah, Izzy, Deniz, Alice, Lyd, Luce, Amy, Claudie and Arrowsmiff - thanks girlies, what would I do without you. <3
This is me, on my jetty looking out to my favourite lake. Oh, life. <3
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